Fundraising for a Reason

When it comes to fundraising, it can be a tricky matter to manage through. Some people are on board with it, others I think struggle with the whole idea.

For our last adoption, I was new to it, and I felt excited most of the time. It was such a fun experience to see people from all over give in ways that I never imagined, it was such a blessing for us. Fast forward to this adoption, and I have felt a little more apprehensive to the idea. I was more nervous this time, but still a little excited. Once again though, we have been blessed and I am in awe.

Now that we have begun our fundraising, I am realizing more and more that it gives people and families to the opportunity to be part of this whole world of adoption. It is said more than once in the Bible to take care of the widows and the orphans. I stand by that command with all my heart and soul. It is important and we are all called to do it. I used to think we are called to adopt and if we did, there would be no more orphans. Honestly, most of that statement is true. If we were all to adopt, there would be no more orphans. But, then there is a reality. Unfortunately, we can't adopt every single orphan.

BUT, we can all be part of the change. That's why right now, as we are in the thick of fundraising I think of it as giving others an opportunity to be part of the change. God had written our story long ago, knowing our family would be built purely through adoption. God knew all the people that would be part of our story by either praying, making purchases, giving financially, or giving time and support. It has been such an honor to watch this story unfold.

The reality is, domestic adoption costs about the same as international. So, there is still fundraising to be done. There are women all over making purchases through Noonday Collection, so thank you to those of you who have purchased or hosted(ing) trunk shows.

As I turn 30 tomorrow! WHAT?! I have a good friend who is hosting an Usborne Book Fundraiser and she is so kindly donating her commission to our adoption funds!! My goal is for 30 people to make a purchase through Usborne, in honor of my 30th birthday and our adoption. It's the perfect time to stock up for Christmas gifts for kids, teens, or adults. You can check it out here 

Thank you everyone for your support, your love, and your time. We are so blessed to be on this journey again. We love being stretched and love watching God show up in the minor details and the major ones!

Rejection Isn't Easy

As we are in the thick of creating our adoption profile, I'm being constantly reminded of rejection. That may sound really strange as we are embracing this journey again, but it has been creeping up more and more through my days lately.

I love to be creative, I love pictures, and I love to write even though I don't do it often. Creating a profile should be so much fun right? To be honest, I could go either way right now. I do love the creative aspect of creating the profile, that is fun. However, it's hard work to choose the "right words" and the "right pictures" to display on this part of our journey.

It's a strange feeling knowing that a certain tradition we do as a family or a certain picture could be the determining factor if a birth mother chooses us. It is fun to think about though, because that means there may be an instant connection for us. However, there is a flip side to that. There could be that one picture or tradition that she completely shys away from and she has no interest in us.

There will be no way that I will ever know who does and doesn't look at our profile. Thank goodness for that, because right now that rejection feeling is creeping up saying, "what about all the ones who say no that's not a good fit?" I bounce right back with a response of, "what is wrong with our family, why didn't someone choose us, should we change what we wrote or the pictures we chose?"

This profile making is a huge challenge for me, but I'm thankful that it's stretching me. There are some days I'd rather be doing a dossier. It seems less personal for some reason. I don't have to create the best me or the best of my family. We aren't perfect everyday, and we make mistakes a lot. What I do know though, is that we love A LOT and we love BIG. So, my hopes are that each birth mother who is shown our profile whether they "connect" with us or not, find a family who is going to love their child BIG.

The profile that's being created isn't about me or for me. It's for the birth mothers, and I'm glad I can step back and realize that. Even though, rejection has been on the forefront of my mind, it's not about my rejection. It's about the birth moms, and the decisions they are making for their child because, they love them A LOT and love them BIG too.

He Loves Us

I remember reading so many blogs while we were waiting to be matched with Zola. It was so good for my soul to read these stories of redemption, because some days (okay, a lot of days) I didn't know for sure if it would actually happen for us. There were other days it was hard to read, because I thought our story was different somehow, and they didn't truly know how I was feeling.

Now, being on both of sides of this spectrum I totally get it. I can see how people write these beautiful stories of redemption. But, there is a huge part of my heart that literally breaks for people going through infertility or their adoption journey where there isn't a specific answer, yet. It is just plain hard.

This past weekend at church, a very familiar song started playing. I listen to a lot of worship music, and so many times I just sing the words. I don't always let them settle into my soul. I have heard How He Loves Us, so many times. The words meant something to me, but not like they did Sunday morning. I think I finally understood what the words for me personally meant.

During our journey I honestly wondered sometimes if God really did love us. By us, I mean really me. I used to think so often that I was punished for some reason, and now it was trickling into Kyle's life too. I had to have done something to bring out the wrath in God that He is so capable of. I knew, He didn't do this to us, but so often I thought something different.

I remember pleading with God just to allow us to become pregnant, just once. I remember praying that He could make me super sick and give me a terrible pregnancy, but please oh please just let it happen. I reasoned with God, a lot. I thought if I prayed long or hard enough, He would show up and prove His love for us through a pregnancy.

That wasn't His plan though. Even though He didn't cause our infertility, He knew it was going to happen. He also knew our journey would end in redemption. He knew that I would understand a love so great, only He can comprehend it. He knew this day would come that I could look back and know He loved us on every single step of our journey. He knew we would encounter couples and families going through a similar story, and that being vulnerable sometimes would help in some little way.

Being a planner is my nature, so not knowing this plan was very hard for me. I didn't get the plan, I didn't understand it. I am so thankful God did though. Because, honestly if I knew what was coming I would have been even more inpatient than I was. If I would have known what was coming, I honestly wouldn't have believed we deserved it. Isn't that the beauty though? That we don't know and even though God may be answering pleads a different way than we have planned, it's beautiful and there is redemption. That's who He is.

My hope in these words is that someone truly knows they aren't alone in their journey. That these words give validation in how someone is feeling, and it is okay. My hope in these words is that you can truly believe He Loves Us.

Adopting Again

I made the big announcement last night on Facebook that we are adopting again. I didn't give a lot of detail because I wanted to make a blog post about it.

The number 1 question recently has been, "are you going to adopt again?" The answer to that has always been a resounding "yes!" However, we wanted to really enjoy Zola and honestly spoil her with our time. We waited to have a child in our home, so we wanted to give undivided attention to her, and we felt that she deserved it as well. If you have met Zola, you know she gets a lot of attention and it really is so fun.

Usually, the following question is, "where will you adopt from?" As much as we would love to say Ethiopia again, we are not pursuing another adoption through Ethiopia. The entire process has changed since bringing Zola home, and we just didn't have a peace about it, unfortunately.

We have decided to pursue a domestic adoption to build our family this time. We will be using a consulting agency called, Faithful Adoption Consultants. I have had a phone conversation and many email conversations and I have been nothing short of impressed with them. I'm really excited about it. So, that means we will more than likely be receiving an infant. We have not specified on gender however.

Last night we had our home study. So funny how relaxed we were this time ;) On Monday we will have everything completed and then our caseworker will send us the finalized home study and we are done. There are times I can' even believe this all the paperwork we have to do. It's a blessing, I won't lie. Doing a dossier is time consuming.

Here's what's next. Since we will have a completed home study shortly, we will start raising funds to add to what we have already been saving. We are still talking about ideas for fundraising opportunities. One of them is certain though, Noonday Collection. I became an ambassador last summer to be able to give back to Ethiopia, and to start saving for our next adoption. It has been really fun and exciting to be able to do this "work" and have it create opportunities to build our family. So, if you host a show anytime 20-30% of the proceeds will go directly to our adoption. Noonday allows me to be a part of families staying together, while building mine.

Our goal is to be finished fundraising by the new year and we will officially be on the list. We will create a profile of our family and birth families will have the chance to view our profile and decide if we are the correct fit. From there, we wait until the birth and we will have another baby in our home. From what I've been told it will more than likely be pretty quick, so that is why we are taking some time this fall to gather our funds, prepare our home, and enjoy the last moments of Zola being an only child.

Thank you so much for the outpouring of love, congratulations, and support. I was just telling a friend how I can't imagine not having the support of family and friends because you are all amazing. My heart was soaring last night and into today with the comments, messages, and texts!

Pt. 4: The Wait

This post could probably be split into a lot of separate ones because there was so much waiting for us. I know there are many that have and will wait longer than we did. However, when we were in the middle of the wait, it felt like forever.

The day we chose an agency is when I started the wait, but really it started a year before that for me. I had been longing to be a mother even a year prior, so add another 2 years, and it felt like an eternity.

While we were in the beginning stages of our process, I had my first surgery. From the sounds of it, there could be some serious hope that we could actually get pregnant. We had started the process because I felt like the chances were slim, but when a Dr. is telling you to try, you hold onto a little bit of a hope that's given.

Fast forward 3 months, and a lot of pain. I had another surgery scheduled to help with the pain and mainly for a serious health concern. A week after my surgery, we had to go get our fingerprints taken. Even then our process was still moving along. The fingerprints were the last thing to do on our list.

After that surgery I was finally feeling better than I had in the past. Those times were actually difficult. I didn't have a lot distracting me. Time was going slowly. I remember calling my mother in law crying at times wondering if I could actually make it through this waiting time. I remember being upset when people would ask if we had been matched, or when we were bringing home our daughter. I remember what it was like processing the emotions of watching yet another friend become pregnant, sometimes for the 2nd time. The wait was hard.

There were good times though. We went on vacations, dates, spent time with family and friends. We had a lot of freedom to do things when we wanted to, etc. Looking back now, it was good to have that time to wait. To grow more in love with each other, to build stronger friendships, and relationships. To see our family and friends support us like crazy was nothing short of amazing. If everything happened in my time. God wouldn't have been able to humble us, and let our people support us the way they did. 

I started to have a lot of complications with my health in February 2013.  I knew I had to take the most drastic measure and have a hysterectomy. It was something I said so easily to my Dr. but deep down in my heart, it was broken. My heart was broken. I felt broken physically. It was a feeling of failure. There was a part of me that didn't want to face society and especially my family. By the time I had my hysterectomy we had waited for 16 months for our match. It seemed like nothing was ever going to happen, and now I made a choice that could never be changed. Motherhood seemed so incredibly far away.

Those 2 weeks of recovery were dark. I cried, a lot. I felt alone, and lost. I had reached a point where I honestly didn't even know what to pray for anymore. Luckily, Kyle was my rock through that time and I'm quite certain he was throwing up some big prayers. Because on March 21st our lives were changed forever.

Redemption is now part of our story. The wait, the oh so long wait was worth it. We had that picture, and information about our daughter. God knew this was our story. The surgeries, the waiting, the pain and heartache. The good times with family and friends while we waited. The questioning at moments. It was His story woven into ours, the beautiful story of redemption. 

Pt. 3: The Paper Chase

The next part of our story would be compiling our dossier. Our dossier was ALL of the information about our lives. I'm talking every single detail. I used to joke with Kyle that somehow, someone knew what I was making for dinner, or what I was wearing that particular day.

The paperwork we needed to compile was fairly easy for us, luckily. Our biggest hiccup was finding the one paragraph in our insurance policy saying our child would be covered. It was at least 200 page stack of papers, with no table of contents. I just randomly chose a spot to start in, turned to the next page and there it was. God showed up even in the small details.

In the evenings I would come home from work, make dinner and do paperwork. We were surrounded by it, I would ask Kyle question and write down answers. We had trainings to go through, and of course the homestudy.

We had our homestudy, which went very well. Although, I totally panicked and cleaned the house as if the Queen of England was coming over, and she merely peeked in a few rooms. It was a lot of conversation, and questions.  A lot of family past, how we would handle discipline, what we see our lives looking like after our child is in our home.

Before our case worker left, she gave us some paperwork to fill out, surprise surprise. One of the sheets was about what type of child we would accept or not accept. I vividly remember sitting with Kyle outside checking yes or no to certain boxes. That sheet of paper took us the longest to through. It was HARD. I felt so guilty saying no to certain special needs.

We struggled so much because, had we conceived a child with a particular special need, we would never say, no. That would have never even gone through our minds. But, now we had to choose what we would accept. We would accept anything, but we had to talk through what would be ideal, what we thought we could handle. That was a challenge too, because God really can give the strength to do anything. However, we had to think hard about what was going to make the most sense for our family and being first time parents.

We finished our homestudy and we were approved for a healthy girl or boy and we were open to siblings. There were a lot of other forms, and fingerprints we had to go through before we were officially on the waiting list, but we were really moving. I was getting excited, I wanted to be on that wait list because it seemed like families were getting matched fairly quickly.

We officially were on the list in October, and I couldn't have been more excited. I made a countdown sheet to watch us move along in our journey.

Then the wait started....

Pt. 2: The Search

A lot of people will ask me how we chose an adoption agency, and how we decided on Ethiopia, as far as countries to adopt from. 

When Kyle and I decided to start this process, we just celebrated his 26th birthday and I was only 25. Believe it or not, that's pretty young. At least in adoption world anyway. I did a lot of research on countries and requirements for each of them. A lot of countries had requirements we just didn't even come close to. Examples: married couples must be married for 5 years (we were about to celebrate our 2nd.), married couples must both be 30 years old, one spouse has to be 35, are you getting the picture here? We just didn't fit. Except, Ethiopia.

We had people ask us this during our process, "why not adopt here in the US, they need it too" We absolutely agreed with that statement, it didn't matter to us where our child came from, but we had to consider our emotions. At that time, we just didn't feel led to a US adoption. There is a reality that a birth mother could change her mind at the last minute and decide to parent her baby. We want what is best for any child, but we also knew ourselves. It just didn't seem like we could handle the emotional side of possibly losing a match during that time. I'm going to post more about that part of our story, but it wasn't a quick response to hearing bad news at one Dr. appointment. We had lost something that we weren't expecting and we had been through a lot within that past year.

Choosing an agency wasn't overwhelming to me. Maybe it was because I just wanted to start the process. However, we didn't just choose willy nilly either. A dear friend of mine's sister had adopted recently, so I asked about her agency. When I called the agency, they asked how I heard about them. I told them the child's name, but couldn't remember their last name at the time. They immediately knew who I was talking about. That was HUGE to me. The families weren't just numbers, they are families waiting for their children. I loved that, and it really made an impact on my decision. After talking to Kyle about it, we chose them and began our paperwork. 

Personally, I loved having a smaller agency. Ethiopia was a great match for our family, and ultimately brought Zola to us. The country, the culture, the people are all amazing and I'm so thankful God closed so many doors and Ethiopia was our choice.

Pt. 1: The Calling

Lately, I've been feeling led to really share more of my story. I believe we all have stories, and maybe some of them are similar and I find that helps so often. But, no two are the same, each one is uniquely different.

Kyle and I went to the same small high school, so we knew of each other. He was seriously the "cool kid" but not the jerky cool kid, the nice cool kid. Who was also good at everything, football, basketball, baseball, and incredibly smart. I on the other hand, let's just say I wasn't at the top of my class, and I didn't get any awards for outstanding athlete.

When Kyle was nearing the end of his Junior year, the big news going around school was that his mom and dad left for China to bring home a little girl and his mom was missing Mother's Day with her kids at home. I thought that was really cool, but sad she was missing her other kids. Because I had no real ties, there wasn't this deep feeling of emotion going on, yet.

In the fall his family would bring his sister to football games and I would notice them a lot. They actually sat really close to my parents during the games.

I guess you could say it somewhat started from there. During the next couple of years I remember talking to my grandma about adoption and what it meant in her life, because my dad was adopted. The conversations were always positive, but I hadn't yet put myself in her shoes.

Fast forward a few more years, and Kyle's family adopted again from China. This time the girls were in my small group at church. I was able to see how they interacted, their excitement, and their love. Looking back now, it was starting to stir things in my own heart, and I didn't even know.

Kyle and I had our first date, and adoption was a big topic of conversation. I said I was absolutely open to adopting and I'm sure I asked a lot of questions. Things started to get more serious in our relationship and we talked about it a lot. We had decided (funny how that works, right?) that it would be really neat to have biological children first and then adopt. (when we had saved up the money)

Fast forward to almost a year into our marriage, and I thought it was time to start trying to have a baby. When things weren't going as planned for us, and I had received some news that wasn't great, I made up my mind that day and started researching agencies.

Although, my calling wasn't in one moment, but over several years it was still my calling. I always felt a tug at my heart when James 1:27 was read "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 

On July 21, 2011 that Calling turned into a YES.

If I didn't start researching that day, and getting information that day, it wouldn't be Zola. That calling is powerful, and I'm so thankful we said Yes together.

Mother's Day Past

We all know it's Mother's Day tomorrow. It's a great day to celebrate the moms in our lives, but as I reflect on the time before I was actually a mom, it was a really hard day.

Three years ago was probably the hardest of all Mother's Days. I knew there was a child half way across the world that I loved so much it hurt, but I had no idea who she was. I remember being in church, and seeing that white rose on the stage that represented the women who struggled with infertility, or who had lost a child. It was a nice sentiment for sure, but I honestly wanted to take that rose and throw it in the trash.

It seemed like that rose was just taunting me, it and no one else had any idea how I felt. I was longing to be a mom, but yet I had nothing. I was waiting with no end in sight. I was watching my friends, my family, and so many other women get to be moms way before me. It seemed so unfair, and I didn't get it. There were many days that I was just plain angry.

Somehow, I felt like I deserved to be a mom more than anyone else. That maybe, the world and God owed me something. I had already put in my time waiting, and still nothing? How was that fair?

Tonight, Zola and I watched some of our closest friends dedicate their son. It was so good to be there, and be on the other side. But, as we were singing "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin,
"All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my sight
High above my life
I will trust in you alone"

I just stared at Zola and I started to cry a little bit. Honestly, three years ago I'm not sure I would have believed those words whole heartily. I was feeling too selfish, and upset. Now though, I believe every single word. I waited for the time I did to be a mom, because I was supposed to be Zola's mom. I went through multiple surgeries because I was supposed to be healthy for my girl. I went to baby showers, held other babies, and waited because His ways are good. Easy, no. Not even for one second was this process easy, but it was good.

It's almost Mother's Day, and I'm thrilled to be celebrating this year with Zola home, but tonight as I'm going to bed my heart is breaking for those "moms" that are waiting. I remember being there and at times not knowing what was actually going to happen. His ways are good friends.

Community Next Door

Last Sunday I attended my first IF Table with some amazing women. It's something I had thought about for a long time, and I'm so excited about this opportunity. One of the first questions was about what we think community looks like and what it looks like to be vulnerable. It was a great question, and there were such wise responses, I loved it.

I think one of the first things I talked about was my neighbor, someone that after 5 years I couldn't imagine not being neighbors with. Thursday night I pulled into my driveway after a Noonday trunk show and couldn't believe it. The For Sale sign was actually in their yard. It was actually happening.

God had specifically planned out the fact that 1 week before our wedding, the house we wanted to buy, fell through. We lived in an apartment for the first 6 months of our marriage (and loved it!), then found a house we loved in the middle of winter. Which if you know me, was pretty impressive in itself. While we were painting our house, Janelle came over to give us a cookies and welcome us to the neighborhood. That was where it started.

We had very different schedules, but every once in awhile we would plan dinner at each others house. We would stay up late talking, laughing, and telling the stories of triumph and tragedy. After our first year in our house we found out that Janelle and I shared very similar infertility stories. I would never wish the heartache we went through on anyone, but boy was it nice to have someone to talk to, that actually understood what was going on. We could cry together, laugh together, and dream about our families whatever they would look like (someday).

Surprisingly, we started our adoption processes around the same time. They chose a domestic adoption and it happened quickly. I got knock on our door one day, saying they were chosen. 4 days later, they were in the hospital!! They had nothing, which was kind of beautiful. Kyle and I finished painting their nursery, got a baby bath, diapers, and some other necessities (along with other amazing people in their lives). We were even invited to be at the house when they came home from the hospital.

About a year later we got our match with Zola and they were some of our biggest fans. They were also invited to the airport when we came home with Zola. The best part, about 4 months prior she told me she was pregnant. Our families were being formed right before our eyes. All the pain and tears seemed like distant memories because we had our children we had been waiting for. We watched each other go through highs and lows, surgeries, adoptions, growing families, and now our kids becoming friends.

She's the one I call when I need butter, cheese, or eggs. She calls me for the same. We know each others families. We are both moms now. Our kids come running out the door to play with each other. We take walks together. That's community.

It's hard to imagine life without them right next door. Things are moving quickly with their house, and I have already cried lots of tears. Happy tears, sad tears, and jealous tears. (Jealous of whoever their next neighbors are) I'm excited for them, and the fact that it will greatly increase their family time together. I'm still pretty selfish though, I don't want them to go. Thankfully, they are friends and not *just* neighbors.

Failing with Pride

This past weekend at church a new series has started, and its called Keep Calm and Carry On. Each week it focuses on something different, and this past week was about Failure.

Failure is something that I'm going to assume everyone struggles with. I know I do for sure. It's one of those things that can overtake some days, or seasons of my life. I remember when we were trying to get pregnant, I felt like a failure. Like I was letting down Kyle, my family, his family, and myself. Wasn't that what a woman was made for, to have a pregnancy and be a mom? When I couldn't do that, in my eyes I was failing. God had different plans of course.

Even after bringing Zola home I felt like a failure at times. Like, when I would lose my patience, or the fact that we didn't bring home more children. Or, that the house wasn't perfectly clean and I didn't have an organic meal on the table when Kyle got home. Mom guilt at it's finest.

This past January I was at our annual Noonday Collection conference, SHINE. It was an amazing time! I learned so much and gained so many friends. One of our artisan partners from India was there, Moon. She got up to speak to over 300 people in a room, she had so much confidence it radiated off of her. It was amazing, she was so proud of the work she has done, and the difference she has made in lives of women in India, because of Noonday. Not for one second did I think she doubted her abilities and her calling.

I want to be more like that. I want to know that even when I do fail, it's okay. I want to walk with pride in who God has made me and what He has called me to do right now. Not what I think I should be doing, or what other people think I should be doing, but what He knows I should be doing, now.

Overwhelming Emotions

This weekend I was overwhelmed with emotion, but especially yesterday. I really love and enjoy listening to worship music. It's a way for me to feel really close to God. When I hear the words on the radio they really resonate with me, but there are some songs that when I see them written down, the emotions just take over. Yesterday, was one of those times. I had to try really hard not to let the big ugly cries come on.

The song was by Lauren Daigle, and you can listen to it here. Here are the lyrics that were getting me:
You plead my cause
You right my wrongs
You brake my chains
You overcome
You gave Your life
To give me mine
You say that I am free

When I first began singing the words, they were all about God and what He did for us to many years ago by giving His Son. Then, I just read the words and listened and it quickly changed to thoughts of Zola's birth father. 

I'm very guilty of putting her birth father into the God role, often. He may or may not have had the choice but to give her up, but I can hardly fathom what those feelings would be like. He was literally giving her away, and even if he didn't know it, he was setting us free. We were now free from feeling so broken and lost without a child of our own. We were able to be free and call ourselves a family. My heart was free from holding onto anger that I could never birth a child of my own. I can't help but feel like he gave up his life, to give us ours so that we could be free.

Putting myself in his shoes is sometimes too hard to do. So, honestly I don't. I grieve for him though, and pray that he is so proud of his decision and that he is proud of himself. He is so selfless, wise, and loving.

The more I think of our story, and wonder why God led us down this beautiful journey, I fully believe it was so that we could experience a little glimmer of how He feels when one of His children become part of his Kingdom. I'm no God, and neither is Zola's birth father, but we and very few others will ever comprehend a little bit of those feelings. I know what it's like to love a child so much it hurts, because she is part of our family.

Tangled

It turns out that Zola loves Disney movies, which is absolutely fine by me because I do too. If we let her, she would sit and watch movies all day long. Don't worry, we don't ;) Although she has a great imagination and loves to act out different characters.

For Christmas, Zola got Tangled. I had only seen the movie 2 times before we watched it with her on Christmas day. Thankfully, I didn't have my make up on yet when the ending came. Thankfully, I know to grab a tissue now if I'm around for the ending, because no matter what, I cry every single time.

The entire movie is about the "lost princess" Rapunzel. She doesn't even know that she has parents longing to have her in their arms. She has no idea that they have been thinking about her for so many years. She also has no idea how loved she is. Those ideas, every single one of them remind me of waiting for Zola. She was a baby, so she would never understand those ideas but oh my, we felt those daily as we waited for her.

That moment when the guard throws open the doors of the room that her mom and dad are in are like the moment we got our phone call saying we were matched. We had finally heard the news we were waiting for, our princess was chosen and found. Then, the moment they are racing down the halls to meet her are like the moments we were racing to get everything in order to meet her. At last, that moment they open the doors and see their daughters face and go to hug her, were like the moments we walked through those doors in Ethiopia to meet her. The moment of just staring in awe, because that is our daughter. The moment of embracing in a hug that was so long awaited.

But then, my feelings get all Tangled up. Mother Gothel actually stole Rapunzel and her role was terribly mean. However, she lost something she treasured even if it was for the wrong reasons. That's when I start to think about Zola's birth father and how he must have felt. I can't imagine he didn't treasure her and was deeply saddened to lose her, but for all the right reasons.

Then, to top it all off Flynn Rider was orphaned. He finally got to see what it meant to have a family when Rapunzel was embraced in her mom and dad's arms. Beautiful, just beautiful. Thank you Disney for making this momma cry every time she watches Tangled.

Days, weeks, months...

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and months turned into comparison.

On a daily basis, something will come up and I think to myself, I should blog about that. Then, not even a split second later, another crosses my mind... Why would anyone want to read what you have to say.

This has been an ongoing struggle lately, and it has taken me a lot of time to actually sit down and write this. I've thought about how I would re-introduce the blog, what should I talk about, etc. As I've been chewing on those thoughts, I came to realize, blogging is great for me. If someone stumbles upon it, then wonderful! Otherwise, I want to do this for myself. It's not about what others think, or the fact that my blog may no be as "big" as some others.

So, here I am.... jumping back into things. Most of my posts have been about our adoption journey and everything that has come with that. There will most definitely be posts about adoption and our journey, and what will come next. But, now there are lots of things I want to talk about. So here's to getting back into it, not comparing, and posting more often than every 6 months.