Today was one of those days that I am beyond thankful for a flexible job. I was struggling with some things already, and then I got an email saying that we still don't have a court date, and she has no idea when we will get one. I was sent over the edge, and had to come home.
As I was literally yelling over the phone with Kyle on the other end and tears streaming down my face he reminded me that I am still grieving in moments like these.
Words cannot describe how relieved we were when we got the news of baby T's birth father relinquishing his rights, and making that next big hurdle we had been waiting to get over. We are now waiting to get the news of when we will go to Ethiopia and meet our sweet little girl. During the times of waiting is still difficult though.
Most of this process is waiting, but during those wait times there has been a lot of grieving. The grieving time of knowing we would never have biological children and making that decision whole heartedly true on Feb. 16 with a hysterectomy. Along with waiting for 16 months to see our sweet girls face. We then waited for 6 weeks to be submitted to court, while other families actually passing us in the waiting period. Now, to waiting to hear of when we are to travel. During those times big events or holidays come up and we (probably me more than Kyle because I'm an emotional girl) grieve those times that our little girl is not with us.
Today is not a holiday, it is just a Wednesday, but I am grieving the fact that we have no end in sight of when we will get to meet our little one. I'm grieving because we are told one thing and other things happen. I'm grieving because there are so many babies in Ethiopia right now, and not as much help or 1:1 attention like I could give her. I'm grieving the fact that this has taken so long, and there still isn't an end.
I'm sure you're all thinking I'm impatient, and that' fine, because I am. But, think about waiting 2.5 years to see your 1st childs face, also knowing she is across the ocean and you have no idea when you get to meet her. That's not to say that every step of this hasn't been worth it, because if you haven't seen her yet, you'll understand when you do. She is the most beautiful thing in the world! If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would.
Today, I'm giving myself grace to be impatient and making the decision tomorrow to pick myself up and keep on moving. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I have to practie being strong now in the hardest times to be able to show my daughter how to be strong later.
As I was literally yelling over the phone with Kyle on the other end and tears streaming down my face he reminded me that I am still grieving in moments like these.
Words cannot describe how relieved we were when we got the news of baby T's birth father relinquishing his rights, and making that next big hurdle we had been waiting to get over. We are now waiting to get the news of when we will go to Ethiopia and meet our sweet little girl. During the times of waiting is still difficult though.
Most of this process is waiting, but during those wait times there has been a lot of grieving. The grieving time of knowing we would never have biological children and making that decision whole heartedly true on Feb. 16 with a hysterectomy. Along with waiting for 16 months to see our sweet girls face. We then waited for 6 weeks to be submitted to court, while other families actually passing us in the waiting period. Now, to waiting to hear of when we are to travel. During those times big events or holidays come up and we (probably me more than Kyle because I'm an emotional girl) grieve those times that our little girl is not with us.
Today is not a holiday, it is just a Wednesday, but I am grieving the fact that we have no end in sight of when we will get to meet our little one. I'm grieving because we are told one thing and other things happen. I'm grieving because there are so many babies in Ethiopia right now, and not as much help or 1:1 attention like I could give her. I'm grieving the fact that this has taken so long, and there still isn't an end.
I'm sure you're all thinking I'm impatient, and that' fine, because I am. But, think about waiting 2.5 years to see your 1st childs face, also knowing she is across the ocean and you have no idea when you get to meet her. That's not to say that every step of this hasn't been worth it, because if you haven't seen her yet, you'll understand when you do. She is the most beautiful thing in the world! If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would.
Today, I'm giving myself grace to be impatient and making the decision tomorrow to pick myself up and keep on moving. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I have to practie being strong now in the hardest times to be able to show my daughter how to be strong later.
