As we are in the thick of creating our adoption profile, I'm being constantly reminded of rejection. That may sound really strange as we are embracing this journey again, but it has been creeping up more and more through my days lately.
I love to be creative, I love pictures, and I love to write even though I don't do it often. Creating a profile should be so much fun right? To be honest, I could go either way right now. I do love the creative aspect of creating the profile, that is fun. However, it's hard work to choose the "right words" and the "right pictures" to display on this part of our journey.
It's a strange feeling knowing that a certain tradition we do as a family or a certain picture could be the determining factor if a birth mother chooses us. It is fun to think about though, because that means there may be an instant connection for us. However, there is a flip side to that. There could be that one picture or tradition that she completely shys away from and she has no interest in us.
There will be no way that I will ever know who does and doesn't look at our profile. Thank goodness for that, because right now that rejection feeling is creeping up saying, "what about all the ones who say no that's not a good fit?" I bounce right back with a response of, "what is wrong with our family, why didn't someone choose us, should we change what we wrote or the pictures we chose?"
This profile making is a huge challenge for me, but I'm thankful that it's stretching me. There are some days I'd rather be doing a dossier. It seems less personal for some reason. I don't have to create the best me or the best of my family. We aren't perfect everyday, and we make mistakes a lot. What I do know though, is that we love A LOT and we love BIG. So, my hopes are that each birth mother who is shown our profile whether they "connect" with us or not, find a family who is going to love their child BIG.
The profile that's being created isn't about me or for me. It's for the birth mothers, and I'm glad I can step back and realize that. Even though, rejection has been on the forefront of my mind, it's not about my rejection. It's about the birth moms, and the decisions they are making for their child because, they love them A LOT and love them BIG too.
I love to be creative, I love pictures, and I love to write even though I don't do it often. Creating a profile should be so much fun right? To be honest, I could go either way right now. I do love the creative aspect of creating the profile, that is fun. However, it's hard work to choose the "right words" and the "right pictures" to display on this part of our journey.
It's a strange feeling knowing that a certain tradition we do as a family or a certain picture could be the determining factor if a birth mother chooses us. It is fun to think about though, because that means there may be an instant connection for us. However, there is a flip side to that. There could be that one picture or tradition that she completely shys away from and she has no interest in us.
There will be no way that I will ever know who does and doesn't look at our profile. Thank goodness for that, because right now that rejection feeling is creeping up saying, "what about all the ones who say no that's not a good fit?" I bounce right back with a response of, "what is wrong with our family, why didn't someone choose us, should we change what we wrote or the pictures we chose?"
This profile making is a huge challenge for me, but I'm thankful that it's stretching me. There are some days I'd rather be doing a dossier. It seems less personal for some reason. I don't have to create the best me or the best of my family. We aren't perfect everyday, and we make mistakes a lot. What I do know though, is that we love A LOT and we love BIG. So, my hopes are that each birth mother who is shown our profile whether they "connect" with us or not, find a family who is going to love their child BIG.
The profile that's being created isn't about me or for me. It's for the birth mothers, and I'm glad I can step back and realize that. Even though, rejection has been on the forefront of my mind, it's not about my rejection. It's about the birth moms, and the decisions they are making for their child because, they love them A LOT and love them BIG too.
