I should really be enjoying my twenties. I hear they go fast, you learn a lot, you'll be in the best shape of your life, sounds pretty good to me. However, what most people don't tell you is how much pressure you have from the society that you should be a parent, or at least pregnant.
Today I was talking with someone where my mom and I get our haircut and we were talking about all that we have been through medically. We got on the subject of adoption, and I told her that I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of " why didn't you have your own children?" I should really be nice about it, but I'm sure I'll get to the point and just say, I can't bear children, and these are my own children. Let's be a little more open minded here people. Not 2 minutes later someone overheard that I was adopting, and then asked "are you going to have your own?" I mean seriously?! Not everyone is blessed with fertility, sorry I'm not one of them.
On my way home, I got an update that there was a referral today for an infant boy. Usually I get so excited and highlight a box from my list I made. Not today, I'm actually not excited at all. It took the family 1 year and 8 months for the referral. The baby isn't home yet, they haven't met him yet... there is still a lot to do and a lot of waiting.
My mother in law always tells me, adoption is not for the weak of heart. She is so right, and honestly I want to give up right now. I never in a million years wanted to wait to be a mother until I was almost 30. I guess that's when everyone laughs, and says well its not your plan, its Gods. Of course, everyone is right, but right now... I'm not too fond of this plan He has going in making me wait. This will be one of those times when I look back and say, boy I'm so glad God had us wait, or we could have missed out on whatever that may be. I can't see it now, which is probably the point, but it still doesn't make it easy.
I obviously don't know what it's like to be a mother yet, but there are so many people that just want their children home. There is no doubt that I'm sure they do, but most of them have a family already. They have kids, they have distractions. I wish now more than ever that I had that distraction. I wish there was a rule that if you don't have children you jump to the top of the list. I wish my babies were home right now and I didn't have to feel this way.
Wishing won't make anything happen though. I need to pray and pray hard, because God is a big God and He can still work miracles. I have to believe that right now and honestly hold on for dear life with that truth, because today it's hard.
You will always get that question and eventually you will learn techniques to not answering the question or letting them come to their own conclusions. Hang in there... this will all be worth it once they come. You're in my prayers. :)
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