Excited vs. Nervous

I just finished up making a list of things I need to get done this weekend before having another surgery. On Monday this week Kyle and I went to the Dr. for almost the 3rd or 4th time just since the new year started. It resulted in scheduling a hysterectomy for Feb 12. (Yes, that is indeed on Tuesday next week) We were pretty certain we were going down that path before going to the Dr. but it is now set in stone.

It has been a long painful journey since my second surgery in December of 2011, so to be perfectly honest I'm looking forward to Tuesday. The biggest part of Tuesday that I feel so peaceful about is that The Lord has completely healed my heart in birthing my own child. He has called us to adopt and to build our family that way. I can't tell you how humbling that feels, and how exciting it feels.

On Monday I was also able to talk to our head coordinator and he said he will be surprised if we make it to the end of Feb without a referral. He also said, anything can change and it could even change tomorrow. That's just part of international adoption, but we knew that going in. So, yet another thing to make me even more excited!!

With all the excitement comes nervousness. I am excited to be pain free once the surgery is over and I am healed, I'm excited to feel like a normal person again. However, I'm nervous about the surgery, I'm nervous about the recovery, and I'm nervous it won't fix my pain. The same feelings are coming up with the adoption. I'm so so excited to see pictures of our daughter, and fall in love with her. I'm excited to be traveling to Ethiopia this year and meet her, and bring her home to be with us forever. Then, I start to get nervous... What if everything gets slower, what if she isn't home this year, what if I'm not good a mom, what if she doesn't like it here at our home?

I'm reminded daily that we are called to do this, and I know that God doesn't just call anyone to adopt a child. I'm amazed that we are called to do adopt, I'm amazed that God has called me to start this blog and reach just a couple people. I'm amazed that we are so blessed by so many people praying for us, asking how things are going, and giving to us financially. This is when I know that excitement defeats nervousness. It won't always be easy, but it's a choice I'm going to make to be excited about life, rather than worry and be nervous.

Thanks for the support friends! We cannot wait to share the good news hopefully soon of who will be joining our family :) I did have a dream about our little gal last night, and let me tell you... she is beautiful and fits our family perfectly!!!