Overwhelming Emotions

This weekend I was overwhelmed with emotion, but especially yesterday. I really love and enjoy listening to worship music. It's a way for me to feel really close to God. When I hear the words on the radio they really resonate with me, but there are some songs that when I see them written down, the emotions just take over. Yesterday, was one of those times. I had to try really hard not to let the big ugly cries come on.

The song was by Lauren Daigle, and you can listen to it here. Here are the lyrics that were getting me:
You plead my cause
You right my wrongs
You brake my chains
You overcome
You gave Your life
To give me mine
You say that I am free

When I first began singing the words, they were all about God and what He did for us to many years ago by giving His Son. Then, I just read the words and listened and it quickly changed to thoughts of Zola's birth father. 

I'm very guilty of putting her birth father into the God role, often. He may or may not have had the choice but to give her up, but I can hardly fathom what those feelings would be like. He was literally giving her away, and even if he didn't know it, he was setting us free. We were now free from feeling so broken and lost without a child of our own. We were able to be free and call ourselves a family. My heart was free from holding onto anger that I could never birth a child of my own. I can't help but feel like he gave up his life, to give us ours so that we could be free.

Putting myself in his shoes is sometimes too hard to do. So, honestly I don't. I grieve for him though, and pray that he is so proud of his decision and that he is proud of himself. He is so selfless, wise, and loving.

The more I think of our story, and wonder why God led us down this beautiful journey, I fully believe it was so that we could experience a little glimmer of how He feels when one of His children become part of his Kingdom. I'm no God, and neither is Zola's birth father, but we and very few others will ever comprehend a little bit of those feelings. I know what it's like to love a child so much it hurts, because she is part of our family.