Proud of My Scars

Happy March friends!!

I seriously can't believe how quickly this year has gone by so far. Most of my Feb was recovering and healing, so maybe that's why it feels like it has gone by so quickly. I'm healing well I think. I get tired still after a day of work (half days) but I think that's to be expected. It was so good for me to get back into work and get out of the house a bit to be honest. I have been sitting around and just thinking about our sweet girl with no news. (It will come though!)

My medicine was making my vision blurry for a little while, so I wasn't able to read but had lots of time to think. There were good days for that and some days I shouldn't have been thinking too much. There are times I can be my own worst enemy. There were days I regretted having this surgery, I felt like a burden to Kyle, and I felt like I was letting down my family. I know none of this is true and Satan was working really hard on me when he had the chance. There were days I felt like he won because of how I was feeling about this whole thing. One day in particular I felt like I let my family down having this surgery done because it is so final that we will never have biological kids. This was out of the questions regardless, but that was it, it was over and done with. I felt awful about this. No one thinks that will happen to them or anyone in their family , but it does sometimes. It happened to us. But.... WE ARE CALLED TO ADOPT and God has proved to us we are doing the right thing just by the support of our family alone. Not only our family but all of our friends and people we meet that are so intrigued and ask questions and tell us they are praying for us.

 I want nothing more than to call my family and tell them this is their "call" but I haven't had that opportunity yet. I know I WILL get that chance and let me tell you I cannot wait!!! :) There is nothing this momma bear can do right now to make things go quicker and that is a tough place to be in. However, I did have this surgery now and that is something I could control and do for our daughter. It would have been really difficult to do this when she was home and try to rest. I'm thankful that we did do it this early. I'm now going to be feeling better and have a better life because of it. I won't be in too much pain to play with my little girl, and now can say "yes" no matter when she asks me to play. :)

While laying on the couch I was getting down about the scars I've gotten over the last 2 years, but today as I removed the last piece of glue on my body covering my scars I decided to be proud. If our sweet girl asks what those are from I can tell her it was to help mommy feel better and have so much fun with you. I will stand proud of those scars and thankful that God took us down that path even if it seemed scary at the time. Its funny how God can make you proud of little things like this. I think about how proud God must have felt for those scars on Jesus' hands and feet. Because of His scars, our scars our healed, in our hearts and on our bodies. How blessed are we?

Healed and Hopeful today,
Megan