I just finished up making a list of things I need to get done this
weekend before having another surgery. On Monday this week Kyle and I
went to the Dr. for almost the 3rd or 4th time just since the new year
started. It resulted in scheduling a hysterectomy for Feb 12. (Yes, that
is indeed on Tuesday next week) We were pretty certain we were going
down that path before going to the Dr. but it is now set in stone.
It has been a long painful journey since my second surgery in December
of 2011, so to be perfectly honest I'm looking forward to Tuesday. The
biggest part of Tuesday that I feel so peaceful about is that The Lord
has completely healed my heart in birthing my own child. He has called
us to adopt and to build our family that way. I can't tell you how
humbling that feels, and how exciting it feels.
On Monday I was also able to talk to our head coordinator and he said he
will be surprised if we make it to the end of Feb without a referral.
He also said, anything can change and it could even change tomorrow.
That's just part of international adoption, but we knew that going in.
So, yet another thing to make me even more excited!!
With all the excitement comes nervousness. I am excited to be pain free
once the surgery is over and I am healed, I'm excited to feel like a
normal person again. However, I'm nervous about the surgery, I'm nervous
about the recovery, and I'm nervous it won't fix my pain. The same
feelings are coming up with the adoption. I'm so so excited to see
pictures of our daughter, and fall in love with her. I'm excited to be
traveling to Ethiopia this year and meet her, and bring her home to be
with us forever. Then, I start to get nervous... What if everything gets
slower, what if she isn't home this year, what if I'm not good a mom,
what if she doesn't like it here at our home?
I'm reminded daily that we are called to do this, and I know that God
doesn't just call anyone to adopt a child. I'm amazed that we are called
to do adopt, I'm amazed that God has called me to start this blog and
reach just a couple people. I'm amazed that we are so blessed by so many
people praying for us, asking how things are going, and giving to us
financially. This is when I know that excitement defeats nervousness. It
won't always be easy, but it's a choice I'm going to make to be excited
about life, rather than worry and be nervous.
Thanks for the support friends! We cannot wait to share the good news
hopefully soon of who will be joining our family :) I did have a dream
about our little gal last night, and let me tell you... she is beautiful
and fits our family perfectly!!!
